‘Why I’ve not spoken to my siblings in more than 20 years’

Dec 28, 2019
This writer cannot forgive her sisters for the things they've done and has cut them out of her life. Source: Getty Images
The last 12 months have been great for raising the voice of the over-60s community at Starts at 60, something we feel strongly about doing. During the next few weeks we are celebrating the blogs that resonated with readers the most throughout the year. This blog is one of our Top 30 blogs for 2019.

Recently I’ve had many memories return of my sisters and I am glad that I am nothing like them. Some might say we are all tarred with the same feather, however I’ve strived to be nothing like any of them. They have done such hateful things.

My older sister once threw a broom through our kitchen window at me and broke my nose. The wooden board that stayed over the broken window after the incident only served as a reminder of what had happened. It was only when Mum and Dad did an extension years later that it was removed.

This same sister and I went out with best mates D and H. I married H at 18 and D hung around for another couple of years with my sister before they broke up. As she needed someone to take her to the discos H and I would go and on weekends we would also include her with our group of friends. It was the three of us for quite a long while until she crossed the line.

We had been at our neighbour’s unit and it was late and I wanted to go to bed so my husband took my sister home. He seemed to take longer than normal getting home, but at the time I thought he must have got talking to my mum and dad.

The next morning our neighbour came over for a cuppa and a talk as my husband was at work. My neighbour told me that H didn’t know how to tell me that my sister had tried to seduce him in the car. She’d asked him to drive home via the building site so he could show her where we were building our first home. Even though it was night, H thought nothing of it and was quite surprised by what had happened.

I was furious, hurt, betrayed and embarrassed. Our group of friends had warned me that my sister was flirting with my husband. I was too trusting and naive and thought that because H and I were married she would see him as being more like a brother to her than a potential lover.

I called my parents’ house to talk to my sister. She hung up the phone when she heard my voice. There was no apology. She did tell me though that she was jealous of my life and thought she’d ruin it for me. When my mother called later, I told her to ask my sister what had happened. She wouldn’t tell my mother, so I told her instead. Imagine my disbelief when my mother then tried to make my sister’s behaviour my fault!

After that day, I never trusted my sister again. She’s told many terrible lies about me over the years to cover up the fact that she tried to ruin my marriage.

My baby sister is not much better. Growing up she always felt she was better than I was and deserved more than I got. She worked in the oil industry and certainly made a lot of money, but it didn’t keep her warm at night. She went travelling to far off countries to find that sort of comfort.

From time-to-time she would come home. I’ll never forget how casually my mother would talk about my sister’s promiscuity. She even talked about the times she had terminated a pregnancy like it was nothing unusual. Apparently my sister had difficulty taking her pill. She’d been involved with a married man and my mother stated that my sister needed to make a decision. “It was either him or the child”. He already had children.

Given that I’d suffered a number of miscarriages I found this cavalier attitude to be somewhat distressing. I was desperate for a large family and wanted to love and be loved.

H and I had eventually had children, but our marriage didn’t last. After finding love again, I fell pregnant in my 40s, but it was not to be.

My son died some years ago and it was the last time I saw any of my sisters. They’d chosen not to have any contact with me after my first marriage broke down. My mother said they would be ostracised from the family if they kept in touch. She was not the most maternal of women and they were so desperate for any sort of affection from her.

I know everyone has their demons and they have to live with their life choices. I’m happy with mine.

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