‘Animal crackers: The funny and unusual stories I have about my pets’

Over our long time together we have had many pets. From a brandy loving parakeet to some deranged cats and dogs. Taking animals to the vet is always a trial and sometimes immensely sad if they are not coming home with you. But the nervous tension as you get ready to catch them, put them in a cat or dog cage and get there in one piece is hard to deal with.

We had a dog named Grotty, named by my husband I think. Grotty was a frisky and loving Labrador retriever mix. He hated the vet with a passion, any vet, it made no difference how nice they were. He would be trying to have a piece of them, that is if he didn’t get out as you tried to get him on a lead, he had a sixth sense about vet visits. He would fight like crazy to stay where he was, feet digging into the lawn. We normally dragged him into the vet’s rooms on a strong lead, as he refused to stand up he would slide in.

I remember after a few visits the vet prescribed a tranquilliser to be given to Grotty before we went to visit. That was fun; it was like trying to get a very drunk man in the car. He would loll about smiling and be like a rubber figure, all long fluid limbs that did not keep him up. It sort of worked as the vet kept his fingers. We opened the window on the way home and he would be in a dreamy state lolling his tongue and looking out of the window. Dribble and hairs everywhere.

Yet with us he was gentle and so loving. The children could dress him in a cowboy suit and a holster or in a dress and he would let them, he protected the children with his life. He would let strangers in the house, but once in he would sit looking at them with teeth a foot from their nose growling. Not letting them anywhere near my kids. I remember one boy who came on a motor bike we called ‘Meals on wheels’ and Grotty knew he was scared, so he chased him miles down the road.

The cats also gave me grief, one managed to get into a roof space as I was getting ready to go to the vet. I had to crawl about tempting him out with titbits. I was a dusty mess as we eventually got him in the cat cage. The meal I was trying to leave ready for us when we got home became an incinerated disaster.

We also had a feisty one called Smokey 1, (we have Smokey 2 now) he was a Persian mix with the most angry nature, yet he loved me, sitting on my lap every night. The trouble was he wanted his way, if I dared move he would hiss and spit. He did the same at the vets and nearly amputated a nose, he was so strong. I called him my hippy cat, he loved rolling in the leaves and came in decorated with leaves and cobwebs, I am sure he thought it looked good.

Getting pills into him was hopeless. I tried every method I could. Put into food, he spat the food out, and the pill, push it down his throat he would hack it up, he even had me fooled by pretending to swallow, then would spit it out the side of his mouth when he thought I couldn’t see. He knew every trick that a four-year-old child knows and more.

Of the sad stories, well there are too many, lots of tears. The strangest was for a cat that wasn’t even mine, but it used to appear now and then and sit on the verandah with me. I fed it sometimes, but knew it was probably ill and couldn’t find a home for it, or even catch it to help, as when I moved towards it it he flew away and hid. One day it came to my door in a bad way I wrapped him in a blanket and put him in the house. His suffering was so painful I raced to the vet with him and just asked to have him put down, it was a difficult demise as his condition meant it was harder to get the injection in. The vet was sweet and understanding, but I cried as much for that cat that I didn’t save as I have for the others.

I have taken in so many animals and given them a good home over the years. Only one dog was actually bought, all the other animals were rescue ones. I have no regrets. We have shared our home with about 10 cats and five dogs over the years, and numerous hamsters and mice the children also owned. I have had a lot more work, and walks, but a rich and interesting life because of them. They give as much as they take, perhaps more.

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