‘Confronting my husband’s lover gave me the strength I needed’

The last 12 months have been great for raising the voice of the over-60s community at Starts at 60, something we feel strongly about doing. During the next few weeks we are celebrating the blogs that resonated with readers the most throughout the year. This blog is one of our Top 30 blogs for 2018.

Where do I begin? It is not the nicest feeling to learn that the love of your life obviously does not share the same feelings. Love, honour, loyalty and trust are strong words. I had no qualms living by the rules, but the ex did.

After several years of marriage things started to change. There were late nights at work; this was never the case in the first few years of wedded bliss. Muffled phone conversations. (No mobile phones back then). Lots of phone calls where no one spoke if I answered.

I was very naive back in the day. I was loyal and trustworthy so did not suspect my partner to be anything but that as well.

As time went on and more things happened, I started to suspect foul play. Too many unexplained instances were occurring.

I asked him about it. Why was this happening? Who was that on the phone? The list goes on. He avoided answering my questions.

I was turning into a nagging unhappy person. I was looking for answers. I found myself sneaking about, looking for him, hoping to discover the truth. But did I really want to know? Maybe it would be better to just pretend all was well and good. After all, he still came home, he still provided handsomely and was a good father to the kids.

I tried to turn a blind eye. It worked for a while, but always at the back of my mind was the question: Who?

Surely it would not be too difficult to find out, but what would I do when I did find out? Another dilemma. It all seemed too difficult.

Out of the blue, he came to me and suggested we should try an ‘open marriage’. The guilt must have been getting to him. I was against this suggestion though. I could see absolutely no benefit to me and all to him.

It would mean he could go out wooing anyone he wished and it would be okay because we had an open marriage. Life just sucked at that particular time.

I thought it over. I shed many tears. I had sleepless nights. I certainly did not want to go out with anyone else whilst married. But, it could mean I would find out who the third person was.

I gathered all my strength and agreed to the open marriage suggestion. Somehow a weight was lifted off my shoulders with this decision. I hatched a plan for mine and the children’s future.

“Go for it,” I told him. He was so happy. He thought he was going to have his cake and eat it too. Maybe he did for a short while.

I duly found out who his lover was. She was a poor silly thing with not much idea about anything. She went about busily telling everyone that she was his lover and that I was agreeable. I drew the line when he wanted to invite her for dinner. At our home!

I made arrangements to meet her, without him present. I asked her what her plans were. She told me he had promised to marry her. What a sucker.

I told her he had several other girlfriends that he had promised to marry as well. I told her he invited them to come to our home — all lies. I asked why she had not been invited to come to our home, when all the others had — more lies. She broke down. She cried.

I did not feel bad for lying to her. She vowed to never see him again.

My plan was done. Revenge was had. I left the next day with my head held high.

He contacted me, begged for another chance. “It will never happen again,” he said.

Too right it won’t. I never went back.

My sanity returned and I realised life was much better without the cad.

Have you ever been betrayed by a loved one? What did you do?

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