Relationships

‘I don’t think I’m rebounding’: Widow wants married lover to leave his wife

Sep 07, 2018

The man has promised to leave his wife. Source: Getty.

Losing a partner after decades of marriage can be tough and many people find themselves moving on with a new relationship far sooner than expected, craving the human companionship they are so used to. However one widow has revealed that she’s jumped head first into a new fling, despite the man in question being married.

Looking for advice, the anonymous woman – who lost her beloved husband two years ago – penned a letter to the Denver Post’s agony aunt page ‘Ask Amy’, in which she said that the man, who she met playing online games, has “brought her happiness during a period of darkness”.

The 51-year-old, who described herself as a “wondering widow”, wrote: “It started out as mild flirtation. I asked him if he was married. He told me his marriage was basically over. He hadn’t felt anything for his wife in quite a while.

“I thought that was a safe answer, and we decided to meet in person. I felt like we had known each other forever. We don’t get to see each other very often, but he calls me every day. We love each other. He tells me he needs time to think about how to get out of his marriage without losing everything he’s worked so hard for.”

She went on to say that the pair have been dating for seven months behind his wife’s back and speak on the phone every day, revealing she now wants him to leave his spouse to begin a new life with her, adding that her adult sons are “happy she has found someone”.

“He also has a job where he is required to live in his city, so moving in with me is not an option right now. I have a 13-year-old daughter living at home,” she added.

“My adult sons are happy that I found someone, but are not happy that he is married, obviously. He has brought me so much happiness when I was going through so much darkness. I don’t think I’m rebounding.

“Everyone tells me that he won’t leave his wife, but he doesn’t even sleep with her. There is no love in their marriage. How long is too long to wait for someone to make up his mind?”

Replying to the besotted women, agony aunty Amy Dickson suggested that the woman should back down until her lover’s marriage has actually come to an end.

“People who are rebounding usually don’t realise that they are rebounding,” she wrote.

“That is the self-deluding magic of a romantic rebound. When someone says that his marriage is “basically over,” one response is: ‘Well, when it is actually over, I hope you’ll let me know’.

“As it is now, he is ‘basically’ committing adultery. This is not what good, steady, reliable, honest and loving people do. Because you are willing to be in this relationship, he has little incentive to change his life.”