Many adult kids are choosing to stay at home with mum and dad these days and while it works out fine for many families — especially if the adult child regularly pitches in with household chores or pays board — it’s easy to feel resentful and frustrated when things don’t pan out as planned.
That’s the situation one woman, who lives with her adult daughter and three grandchildren, has found herself in after admitting they never clean despite living with her rent free.
Writing to The Washington’s Post advice columnist Carolyn Hax, the single grandmother said she bought a house about a year ago and her 30-year-old daughter and three kids, aged 13, 10 and two, moved in.
“And to say they are lazy — and will not under any circumstances clean anything — is an understatement of biblical proportions!” she said. “My only request for her living here was to please keep the house clean.”
The grandmother said she lives downstairs in the in-law suite of her home with a friend, but on the regular occasion when she needs to go upstairs to do the laundry or watch the kids, she is welcomed with messy rooms and dirty dishes.
She said her daughter doesn’t contribute to household bills or work a full-time job, adding she has plenty of time to clean up.
“It is just a kick in the teeth when they are so disrespectful. I keep asking, yelling, demanding, talking, but nothing!”
The frustrated gran said when she’s had enough, she cleans their mess, adding: “I know, wrong thing to do, but I can’t stand it and I have no idea how to get them to just clean up!
“My daughter’s excuse is she has three kids. What?!! No, she sits on her butt with her face in her phone, and her kids are the same. Any suggestions short of throwing everyone out of my house?”
Carolyn told the woman to step up as a landlord and confront her daughter about the problem.
She advised the grandmother to say: “You can live in my house expense-free, but only if you keep it clean. If you do not keep it clean, then you can’t live in my house expense-free.”
Many readers were also quick to point out that she shouldn’t have to tolerate this arrangement, with one adding: “Give the daughter an ultimatum. Some tough love needed here.”
Other readers suggested charging the daughter rent and hiring out a cleaning service, adding: “Do NOT ask her, tell her this is how it’s going to be.”
Due to financial pressures, more adult kids are relying on mum and dad to keep a roof over their head.
A survey by comparison website mozo.com.au claims that more than a third of Aussies over the age of 18 are still living in their family home.
But in saving themselves money by not moving out, this generation of ‘kidults’ are costing their parents an added $235 million collectively across Australia each week, or a whopping $12.2 billion every year.
Financial factors, such as unattainable property prices or low wages, were the most common reasons for failure to fly the family nest, accounting for 68 per cent of kids over 18 choosing to stay put. While reasons such as wanting to stay close to family, and it being the done-thing in different cultures, were also common.
However, the study also showed that, despite the hike in outgoings, the majority of Aussie parents were fine with the arrangement and 30 per cent said they were more than happy to help their adult kids to get ahead by allowing them to stay at home.
Just one in 10 parents said they found the situation a financial strain, and 3 per cent also admitted to resenting their adult children who failed to move out.