Most women would likely want to know if their husband was cheating on them, but what about when they’ve been married for 60 years and are now in their eighties? Would it be worth risking the marriage to tell the other wife, or is it better to let her continue oblivious?
That’s the debate one woman is having after finding out her 80-year-old grandmother is having an affair with a married man, 81. Writing to social forum Reddit, the 30-year-old granddaughter admitted she had enough proof to “destroy the relationship” but she doesn’t think it’s worth doing over fears it will leave everyone involved hurt.
While her grandmother’s husband died in the 1980s, her lover’s wife is still here and apparently oblivious to her husband’s deception – despite him doing “couple-y things” with her gran like phoning her daily, enjoying dinners out and even nights away together.
“It would be adorable if it wasn’t for the fact that he is married and has been for 60 years,” the woman wrote. “But with two 80 year olds what do you do?”
Revealing she could end it at a moment’s notice if she wanted to, she added: “But… why would I? I mean, she’s happy and he’s happy. It would do more harm than good I feel. Would his wife really divorce him this late on in life? Perhaps she even has her suspicions already and keeps it quiet. At this point it seems like I should just keep it to myself.”
From there, the woman gave some background to the situation and revealed that this isn’t the first time the pair have enjoyed an affair. They previously got together 20 years ago but split when the man’s wife found out. Tragically, the break-up happened days after the gran had lost a child, and they didn’t speak again for 17 years. However, despite the difficult ending, they reconciled in the last few years.
Due to his previous actions, the woman is now worried that revealing all could actually leave her gran worse off. She explained: “I know if his wife found out he would not hesitate in leaving my grandmother again and I remember how much it damaged her emotionally last time.”
Adding further background, the woman explained that the other wife “is not a very nice woman”, before revealing a few past troubles they’ve had with her – long before the affair even happened.
“This doesn’t make it right, but certainly makes me less sympathetic towards her and probably has made me turn a bit of a blind eye,” she said. “As I gather, it has not been a happy relationship for decades, but in terms of a divorce he doesn’t want to disrupt his children/grandchildren/great grandchildren etc.”
She concluded: “He’s very rich – money would not be a problem for any party, but as I understand he doesn’t want to have to go through the logistics of a divorce at his age… Wife has also had her own affairs during the course of the marriage, forgot to add that. They are as bad as each other.”
The post got a very mixed response from other users, with some believing the woman should stay quiet and leave them to make their own minds up on what to do. One commented: “Your grandmother is a grown woman with a lifetime of experiences who can make her own decisions. Sorry to be blunt, but it is not your responsibility to uphold morality in this situation. This is between your grandmother and this man.”
Another added: “I would just leave it alone. There is a very strong chance that his wife know what’s going on. How many excuses can an 81yo man make for getting out in the evenings that wouldn’t make her suspicious?” While one wrote: “If it were me, I would stay out of it, but I would very firmly tell Grandma that it makes you uncomfortable, and that while you love her, you don’t want to hear about it anymore.”
However, others disagreed and thought she should come clean, with one user commenting: “I’m going to be the minority here. I’m prepared for the down votes. I think you already know what you should do, but you’re looking for validation not too (sic)… Yeah you might lose your grandmother if you tell her. Yes it would be difficult and others might get mad at you, but you’ll have done the right thing by the woman who might not know.”
And one wrote: “I’m also disappointed. People should never be afraid to be honest and moral. These comments are offputting. Take my upvote. I’m ready to be downvoted to hell.”