Family estrangement: Woman heartbroken after family kept sister’s death secret

A heartbroken woman has shared her anguish over missing her sister’s funeral – revealing she only found out that her sister died last month when she contacted her estranged nephew by chance and, to make matters worse, that she had missed the funeral. Writing to online forum Gransnet, the distressed woman also revealed her two older sisters were informed of the passing and also didn’t bother to contact her.

She wrote: “Yesterday I found out my sister had passed away. She has been ill for some time.” The woman added that her sister had been very brave and positive and was getting on with life, revealing the two had been regularly texting and meeting up, adding: “… the relationship was okay.”

However, the woman said recently she just had a feeling that something wasn’t quite right. She said: “She kept asking me not to text and I just got the feeling something wasn’t right. I decided to ask my sister something only her and I would know, when I got the reply, I knew it wasn’t my sister.”

The confused sibling then pressed the imposter, who turned out to be her nephew, for information regarding her sister asking if she’s still alive. The woman said she finally received a reply that read “no she is dead”.

When she asked about the funeral her nephew responded back with an “upsetting and shocking reply” saying it had already been done, revealing her sister died in July and she had been actually texting him, despite believing she had been speaking to her late sibling. “It turns out that only [two] of my sisters, one in Spain and one in USA were told, myself and one other little sister were not told. My other (older) sisters didn’t contact us!!!” she revealed.

The woman, from the UK, then said one of her older sisters, who is “very very rich”, is ashamed of her, adding: “I have no idea why but one of my sisters is very very rich and ashamed of me because I live in a small ex council house and I have dyslexia. She has told me many times I am embarrassment and I should be ashamed of who I am.”

She also revealed her nephew is now also refusing to tell her where her sister’s grave is, adding: “I was on good terms with her so she had no reason to say that. When I asked why he didn’t tell me he said ‘because you are [an] emotional moron’ then blocked me. I am emotional.”

The post has since received a slew of comments, with many readers sending words of encouragement. “I’m so sorry to hear about all the horrible things that have happened to you and I’m not surprised you are feeling so overwhelmed,” one commentator wrote.

Another added: “I also lost my sister this year, it’s a very painful experience. You have all my sympathy.” While a third wrote: “You need to clear your mind and tackle one thing at a time no matter how long it takes.”

Unfortunately, family estrangement is a heartbreaking issue affecting countless families across the world, leaving many people feeling confused and fairly clueless over how to mend the rift. While the situation can seem helpless, a relationship expert previously shared some tips and advice with Starts at 60 on how to try and reconnect with lost loved ones.

Elisabeth Shaw, the CEO of Relationships Australia NSW, said while it may feel impossible, there are small steps families can take to try to bridge the gap between themselves and their loved ones, depending on the circumstances. “In most situations I have worked with, I have had the family members very pained by the estrangement,” Shaw said. “It is very difficult to be cut off from people who matter to you, and to live peacefully with that situation.”

She said first off, before any bridges can be built, it’s important to go right back to the root of the problem and acknowledge exactly what it was that caused the estrangement in the first place. “There is the history of conflict and events, as well as the pride and accumulated umbrage that has been nursed over time, that has to be worked through before any change can be considered,” she explained.

“I find that if one family member leads the way to a request for change, others can be looking for a solution too and just don’t know how to get there. They might readily agree to meet, once given a roadmap.”