A joyful festive season: How to avoid those dreaded Christmas conflicts

Christmas is fast approaching and while many are hankering to see their loved ones, others may be dreading the celebration and the potential family feuds that can often erupt.

When there’s grandparents, parents and kids all under the same roof it’s likely some will bump heads, even if there is no bad blood between them. Perhaps the Christmas table isn’t set up how it usually is, or maybe someone doesn’t like the way the ham has been cooked.

Whatever the case, no one wants a disagreement to ruin the celebration and put a dampener on festive celebrations in the years to come. So, before you head off to your loved one’s house or set things up at in anticipation of the family’s arrival, take a look at the list below on how to avoid the day ending in turmoil.

Let it go

It’s easier said than done, but if a family member or friend says something offensive to you, try not to take it personally and just let it go. Psychologist Nicholas Joyce says this is one of the most effective solutions when it comes to avoiding conflict during the festive season.

Writing for The Conversation, Joyce says instead of getting riled up and launching into an argument, notice and allow an experience to be there, and if it’s not useful, then just let it go.

“Such a process has to be utilised continually during the holidays, when we are often once again confronted with dynamics and personalities we try to escape in our day-to-day lives,” he says.

Accept conflict may arise

Instead of going into a family gathering thinking everything will go smoothly and without any disagreements, accept the fact that some things could go wrong. Establish what Joyce calls the “acceptance mindset” and deal with the facts, rather than dreaming about a perfect Christmas which likely won’t occur.

In his piece for The Conversation Joyce says by preparing yourself for what may occur your reaction won’t be so intense.

“It means I will go to holiday dinner knowing full well my brother is going to tease me or my mum is going to comment on my appearance,” he says. “Entering with this reality makes us less reactive and more capable of choosing what, if anything, we want to do about this dynamic.”

Avoid excessive drinking

Having a drink on Christmas Day is essentially an Aussie tradition, but overdoing it could lead to confrontations. While some may be happy drinkers who go along with whatever is planned, for others excessive alcohol consumption makes them a little hot-headed.

Alcohol lowers inhibitions meaning you won’t be afraid to voice your opinion, even if it means offending someone else. And this could just lead to a full-on family fight.

Speaking to the BBC, counsellor Gwen Ellis says: “Be careful how much you drink. I don’t mean to say don’t drink at all but you may find that old feuds and resentments may crop up more easily if you’ve had more alcohol to drink than usual.”

If you’re hosting the gathering, arrange for everyone to arrive just before lunch or dinner so there’s not much time to drink before the big meal. After you’ve all finished eating arrange other activities for the family to avoid everyone just sitting around drinking. Perhaps bring out the board games and play a trivial pursuit, or create some non-alcoholic drinks as an option instead of just beer and wine.

Discuss issues in private

If there are some issues that you just can’t let slide, then discuss it in private. Think through carefully what you’d like to say to the person you disagree with before inviting them for a chat away from everyone else.

Make sure to listen to what the other person has to say and try to come to some kind of truce to avoid a heated discussion. However, if you notice that you’re getting angry and annoyed, take time before you respond instead of hitting back with an unkind response.

And finally, be willing to apologise. You may think you’ve done nothing wrong but try to come to some kind of acceptance that you have upset each other.