A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer: “This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you.”
The barber puts a dollar coin in one hand and two 20 cent pieces in the other, then calls the boy over and asks: “Which do you want, son?” The boy takes the 20 cent pieces and leaves. “What did I tell you? That kid never learns!” said the barber.
Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store. “Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the 20 cent pieces instead of the dollar coin?”
The boy licked his cone and replied: “Because the day I take the dollar, the game is over!”
A man dies and is sent to hell. Satan meets him, shows him doors to three rooms, and says he must choose one to spend eternity in. In the first room, people are standing in dirt up to their necks.
The man says: “No, let me see the next room.” In the second room, people are standing in dirt up to their noses. The man says no again. Finally Satan opens the third room. People are standing with dirt up to their knees, drinking coffee and eating pastries.
The man says: “I pick this room.”
Satan agrees and starts to leave as the man wades in and starts pouring some coffee. On the way out Satan yells: “Alright, coffee break’s over. Everyone back on your heads!”
Harry was finally a groom and was very excited about his upcoming marriage.
He was on his way out of the office when his boss came over to him with an outstretched hand and said: “Congratulations Harry! I just wanted to tell you I’ve been married for 22 years, and I am sure that you will always remember this day with the fondest of memories, as the happiest day of your life.”
“But sir”, said Harry, a little bit confused. “I’m not getting married until tomorrow!”
His boss sighed and patted him on the back: “Yes Harry, I know.”