Three hilarious jokes about things you shouldn’t say to your partner

An expert was giving a lecture

An efficiency expert concluded his lecture with a note of caution. “You need to be careful about trying these techniques at home.”

“Why?” asked someone in the audience.

“I watched my wife’s routine at dinner for years,” the expert explained. “She made lots of trips between the refrigerator, stove, table and cabinets, often carrying a single item at a time. One day I asked her: ‘Honey, why don’t you try carrying several things at once?'”

“Did it save time?” the guy in the audience asked.

“Actually, yes,” replied the expert. “It used to take her 30 minutes to make dinner. Now I do it in ten…”

A couple are watching a boxing match on TV

A man and his wife are sitting and watching a boxing match on television.

The husband sighs and complains: “This is disappointing. It only lasted for 30 seconds!”

“Good,” his wife replies. “Now you know how I always feel.”

A married man left work one Friday afternoon

A married man left work early one Friday afternoon. Instead of going home however, he squandered the weekend (and his pay cheque) partying with the boys.

When he finally returned home on Sunday night, he ran into a barrage of abuse from his furious wife. After a couple of hours of nagging and berating, his wife asked: “How would you like it if you didn’t see me for a couple of days?!”

“That would suit me just fine!”

Monday went by and the man didn’t see his wife. Tuesday and Wednesday came and went with the same result. Come Thursday, the swelling went down a bit and he could see her a little, just out of the corner of his left eye!