The room was full of pregnant women and their partners, and the Lamaze class was in full swing. The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe properly, along with informing the men how to give the necessary assurances at this stage of the plan.
The teacher then announced: “Ladies, exercise is good for you. Walking is especially beneficial. And, gentlemen, it wouldn’t hurt you to take the time to go walking with your partner!”
The room really got quiet. Finally, a man in the middle of the group raised his hand.
“Yes?” replied the teacher.
“Is it alright if she carries a golf bag while we walk?”
A lady is giving a party for her granddaughter, and has gone all out with a caterer, a band and even a clown. Just before the party starts, two guys show up looking for a handout. Feeling sorry for them, the woman tells them that they can get a meal if they will chop some firewood. Gratefully, they head to the rear of the house.
Guests arrive, and all is going well with the children having a wonderful time. But the clown suddenly calls to report that he is stuck in traffic, and will probably not make the party at all. The woman is very disappointed and unsuccessfully tries to entertain the children herself.
She happens to look out the window and sees one of the guys doing cartwheels across the lawn. She watches in awe as he swings from tree branches, does midair flips, and leaps high in the air. She calls the other guy over and says: “What your friend is doing is absolutely marvellous. I have never seen such a thing. Do you think your friend would consider repeating this performance for the children at the party? I would pay him $50!”
“Well,” he responds, “I dunno… Let me ask him.” He turns around and yells at his friend: “Hey Willie! For $50 would you chop off another toe?!”
A man was walking down the beach when he noticed a cave. He walked in and looked around only to discover a magic lamp buried in the sand.
He rubbed it and a genie came out and said: “You have three wishes but whatever you wish for, your boss will get double.”
The man agreed and said: “I want a million dollars.”
The genie nodded his head and the man received it, however his boss got $2 million.
Next he said: “I want a Ferrari.” The genie nodded and he got one, but his boss instantly got two.
Next, being his last wish, he took a minute and thought about it carefully.
Finally he said: “Well, I’ve always wanted to give a kidney.”