Every Friday after work, a mathematician goes down to the ice cream shop, sits in the second-to-last seat, turns to the last seat, which is empty, and asks a girl, who isn’t there, if he can buy her an ice cream cone.
The owner, who is used to the weird, local university types always shrugs but keeps quiet. But when Valentine’s Day arrives and the mathematician makes a particularly heart wrenching plea into empty space, curiosity gets the better of him, and he says: “I apologise for my stupid questions, but surely you know there is never a woman sitting in that last stool, man. Why do you persist in talking to empty space?”
The mathematician replies: “Well, according to quantum physics, empty space is never truly empty. Virtual particles come into existence and vanish all the time. You never know when the proper wave function will collapse and a girl might suddenly appear there.”
The owner raises his eyebrows. “Really? Interesting. But couldn’t you just ask one of the girls who comes here every Friday if you could buy her a cone? You never know, she might say yes.”
The mathematician laughs and says: “Yeah, right. How likely is THAT to happen?”
An older, white haired man walked into a jewellery store one Friday evening with a beautiful young gal at his side. He told the jeweller he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend. The jeweller looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring and showed it to him.
The old man said: “I don’t think you understand, I want something very special.”
So the jeweller went to his special stock and brought another ring over. “Here’s a stunning ring at only $40,000,” the jeweller said.
The young lady’s eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement. The old man seeing this said: “We’ll take it.”
The jeweller asked how payment would be made and the old man stated, by cheque. “I know you need to make sure my cheque is good, so I’ll write it now and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds and I’ll pick the ring up Monday afternoon,” he said.
Monday morning, a very teed-off jeweller phoned the old man and said: “There’s no money in that account.”
“I know,” said the old man. “But can you imagine the weekend I had?”
Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary and his wife was really angry. She told him: “Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 100 in 6 seconds!”
The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.
Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought the box back in the house. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.
Bob has been missing since Friday.