Little Johnny wanted to go to the zoo and pestered his parents for days. Finally his mother talked his reluctant father into taking him.
“So how was it?” his mother asked when they returned home.
“Great,” Little Johnny replied.
“Did you and Daddy have a good time?” asked his mother.
“Yeah, Daddy really liked it too,” Little Johnny said. “Especially when one of the animals came home at 30 to 1!”
A young woman said to her doctor: “You have to help me, I hurt all over.”
“What do you mean?” said the doctor.
The woman touched her right knee with her index finger and yelled: “Ow, that hurts.” Then she touched her left cheek and again yelled: “Ouch! That hurts, too.” Then she touched her right earlobe. “Ow, even that hurts.”
The doctor examined her for a moment before nodding in realisation. “Ah, I thought so,” said the doctor. “You have a sprained finger.”
A police officer pulls over a guy who’d been weaving in and out of the lanes. He goes up to the guy’s window and says: “Sir, I need you to blow into this breathalyser tube.”
The man says: “Sorry, officer, I can’t do that. I am an asthmatic. If I do that, I’ll have a really bad asthma attack.”
“Okay, fine. I need you to come down to the station to give a blood sample.”
I can’t do that either. I am a haemophiliac. If I do that, I’ll bleed to death.”
“Well, then, we need a urine sample.”
“I’m sorry, officer, I can’t do that either. I am also a diabetic. If I do that, I’ll get really low blood sugar.”
“All right, then I need you to come out here and walk this white line.”
“I can’t do that, officer.”
“Because I’m drunk.”