Two Irish men Mike and Rob were on the roof laying tiles, when a sudden gust of wind came and knocked down their ladder.
“I have an idea,” said Mike. “We’ll throw you down, and then you can pick up the ladder.”
“What, do you think I’m stupid? I have an idea. I’ll shine my flashlight, and you can climb down on the beam of light.”
“What, do you think I’m stupid? You’ll just turn off the flashlight when I’m halfway there.”
A lady had recently come into some money and, not wishing to appear snobbish, she invited her old friends to her lavish new house.
She was taking them on a tour of the establishment and eventually reached the room where they would dine that evening.
“These knives and forks are solid silver,” she said. “Even the chains they’re fastened to have real emeralds.”
A minister and lawyer were chatting at a party. “What do you do if you make a mistake on a case?” the minister asked.
“Try to fix it if it’s big; ignore it if it’s insignificant,” replied the lawyer. “What do you do?”
The minister replied, “Oh, more or less the same. Let me give you an example. The other day I meant to say ‘the devil is the father of liars,’ but instead I said ‘the devil is the father of lawyers,’ so I let it go.”