Two men staggered into the pub, dragging their extremely drunk mate with them. When they reached the bar, they let him go and he collapsed in a drunken heap on the floor. “We’ll have two beers,” one of them slurred to the bartender.
“What about him?” asked the barkeep, pointing to the unconscious chap.
“No more for him,” his pal replied. “He’s driving.”
An old man starts having trouble hearing and goes to the doctor. He says: “Doc, I’m having problems hearing!”
The doctor says: “Let’s check this out.”
He looks into the man’s ear with his flash light and says: “There’s a foreign object in here.” He takes his tweezers and pulls it out. With surprise, the doctor says to the old man: “It’s a suppository!”
The old man takes a look, then asks the doctor: “Can I use your phone? Need to tell the wife that I know where I put that hearing aid!”
A very successful businessman had a meeting with his new son-in-law. “I love my daughter, and now I welcome you into the family,” said the man. “To show you how much we care for you, I’m making you a 50-50 partner in my business. All you have to do is go to the factory every day and learn the operations.”
The son-in-law interrupted, “I hate factories. I can’t stand the noise.”
“I see,” replied the father-in-law. “Well, then you’ll work in the office and take charge of some of the operations.”
“I hate office work,” said the son-in-law. “I can’t stand being stuck behind a desk all day.”
“Wait a minute,” said the father-in-law. “I just made you half-owner of a multi-million dollar organisation, but you don’t like factories and won’t work in an office. What am I going to do with you?”
“Easy,” said the young man. “Buy me out.”