A store manager overheard a worker saying to a customer: “No, ma’am, we haven’t had any for some weeks now … and it doesn’t look as if we’ll be getting any soon.”
Alarmed, the manager rushed over to the customer who was walking out the door and said: “That isn’t true, ma’am. Of course, we’ll have some soon. In fact, we placed an order for it a couple of weeks ago.”
The manager then drew the worker aside and growled: “Never, never, never, never say we don’t have something. If we don’t have it, say we ordered it and it’s on its way. What was it she wanted?”
The worker answered: “Rain.”
A doctor was being questioned in court by an attorney. The conversation went as follows.
Attorney: “Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?”
Attorney: “Did you check for blood pressure?”
Attorney: “Did you check for breathing?”
Attorney: “So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?”
Attorney: “How can you be so sure, Doctor?”
Doctor: “Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.”
Attorney: “I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?”
Doctor: “Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.”
A cowboy runs into a bar and says to the bartender: “Give me 20 shots of your best scotch, and make it quick!”
The bartender pours out the shots, and the cowboy drinks them as fast as he can.
The bartender remarks: “I’ve never seen anybody drink that fast!”
The cowboy replies: “Well, you’d drink that fast too if you had what I have.”
“What’s that?” asks the bartender.
“Only fifty cents!”