A man heads to a fancy country inn for dinner one night. When he sits down at his table and opens his menu, he is shocked to see on a dish of ‘hickory-smoked possum jowls in syrup’. Immediately, he summons a waiter to complain.
The waiter looks at the menu. Then he flings it down and yells to the owner in the kitchen: “Hey, the printers forgot to translate the menu into French again!”
A saxophone player was contracted to do a recording session for a movie. Much to his delight, the soundtrack was pretty much a sax solo from beginning to end.
When the session was over the sax player asked the producer what film his music would be in. The producer admitted that it was an adult film and gave him the name of a theatre that would be showing the premiere.
At the premiere, the saxophone soloist crept into the movie house, embarrassed, and sat in the back next to an elderly couple who were also trying to be anonymous. The movie was disgusting, ending with a scene involving a dog. The sax player finally had enough, and made his exit past the elderly couple, remarking: “I only came to hear the music.”
The old lady replied: “We only came to see our dog!”
A passenger tapped the cab driver on the shoulder to ask him something. The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the sidewalk, and stopped centimetres from a shop window.
For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver said: “Look mister, don’t ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!”
The passenger apologised and said he didn’t realise that a little tap could scare him so much.
The driver replied: “You’re right. I’m sorry, it’s not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver. I’ve been driving a hearse for the last 25 years”.