John and Jessica were on their way home from the bar one night when John got pulled over by the police. The officer told John that he was stopped because his tail light was burned out.
“I’m very sorry officer,” he said. “I didn’t realise it was out, I’ll get it fixed right away.”
Just then Jessica said: “I knew this would happen when I told you two days ago to get that light fixed.”
So the officer asked for John’s license and after looking at it said: “Sir your license has expired.”
Once again, John apologised and mentioned that he didn’t realise that it had expired and would take care of it first thing in the morning.
Jessica said: “I told you a week ago that the state sent you a letter telling you that your license had expired.”
Well by this time, John was a bit upset with his wife contradicting him in front of the officer, and he said in a rather loud voice: “Jessica, shut your mouth!”
The officer then leaned over toward Jessica and asked: “Does your husband always talk to you like that?”
Jessica replied: “Only when he’s drunk.”
Two women came before wise King Solomon, dragging between them a young man in a three-piece suit.
“This young lawyer agreed to marry my daughter,” said one.
“No! He agreed to marry my daughter!” said the other.
And so they argued before the King until he called for silence.
“Bring me my biggest sword,” said Solomon. “I shall cut the young attorney in half. Each of you shall receive a half.”
“Sounds good to me,” said the first lady.
But the other woman said: “Oh Sire, do not spill innocent blood. Let the other woman’s daughter marry him.”
The wise king did not hesitate a moment. “The attorney must marry the first lady’s daughter,” he proclaimed.
“But she was willing to cut him in two!” exclaimed the king’s advisor.
“Indeed,” said wise King Solomon. “That shows she is the true mother-in-law.”
When Adam stayed out very late for a few nights, Eve became upset. “You’re running around with other women,” she told her mate.
“Eve, honey, you’re being unreasonable,” Adam responded. “You know you’re the only woman on earth.”
The quarrel continued until Adam fell asleep, only to be awakened by a strange pain in the chest. It was his darling Eve poking him rather vigorously about the torso.
“What do you think you’re doing?” Adam demanded.
“Counting your ribs,” said Eve.