Daily Joke: A man had a ticket for the theatre

A man had a ticket for the theatre but, when he was seated by the usher, he found that he was just too far from the stage.

He whispered to the usher: “This is a mystery play and I have to watch a mystery close up. Get me a better seat, and I’ll give you a great tip.”

The usher discreetly moves him up to the second row and the man hands the usher $1.

The usher looks at the dollar, frowns at him, then leans over and whispers: “The butler did it.”

Daily Joke: A man goes into a bar

A man goes in to a bar and orders a vodka and coke. He drinks it orders another. This goes on for a while, until the man begins to slow down.

The barman asks: “Is there anything the matter, sir?”

The man replies: “I had an enormous argument with the wife. She said she won’t speak to me for a month. I have to sleep on the sofa.”

The barman says: “Best bet is to stop drinking, go home, and don’t let this argument carry on passed the first night. Nip it in the bud.”

“You don’t understand,” the man replies. “This is the last night.”

Daily Joke: An elderly lady was well-known for her faith

An elderly lady was well-known for her faith and for her boldness in talking about it. She would stand on her front porch and shout: “Praise the Lord!”

Next door to her lived an atheist who would get so angry at her proclamations he would shout: “There ain’t no Lord!”

Hard times set in on the elderly lady, and she prayed for God to send her some assistance. She stood on her porch and shouted: “Praise the Lord! God I need food, I am having a hard time! Please Lord send me some groceries!”

The next morning the lady went out on her porch and noted a large bag of groceries and shouted: “Praise the Lord!”

The neighbour jumped from behind a bush and said: “Aha! I told you there was no Lord. I bought those groceries, God didn’t.”

The lady started jumping up and down and clapping her hands and said: “Praise the Lord! He not only sent me groceries, but he made the devil pay for them. Praise the Lord!”