There’s a blonde and a brunette in a car. The brunette is driving while the blonde is in the passenger seat. They’re going down a steep hill when the brunette realises that the brakes don’t work.
The brunette says they’re about to drive off the side of the cliff because they failed to stop in time.
The blonde then replies: “Don’t worry! There’s a stop sign ahead.”
At the doctor’s office, Tom was getting a check up.
“I have good news and bad news,” the doctor said. “The good news is you have 24 hours left to live.”
“That’s the good news?” Tom questioned.
“The bad news is I should have told you that yesterday,” the doctor added.
A man on his deathbed turned to his wife.
“I want to take all my money to the afterlife with me,” he said. “Swear that you’ll put it in my funeral casket.”
“I swear,” said the wife.
On the day of the funeral, just as the casket was about to be closed, the wife cried out.
“Wait!” she said. “I almost forgot.”
Rushing forward, she placed a shoebox in the casket next to her husband. The undertakers locked the casket and rolled it away.
The woman’s friend raised her eyebrows. “I hope you weren’t crazy enough to put all that money in there with him.”
“Of course I did,” said the woman. “I made a promise.”
“How are you going to live with no money? Did you really put every cent in there with him?”
“Yes,” said the woman. “I got it all together, put it into my account and wrote him a cheque.”