I’ve wanted to write a blog for a very long time. I have many reasons not to write — no one will be interested in what I have to say, people will be judgmental and think I’m a bad person if I write my life experiences etc. But I can only think of one reason to write a blog. I want to.
The challenge I am facing is where to start.
Should I start with my poverty stricken childhood? Or my molestations while growing up that lead to teenage promiscuous behavior and recreational drug use? Or maybe my marriage at the tender age of 16?
There are so many things I could write about, both happy and sad. Good, bad, and boring. I could write about the births of my three children, the incarceration of my oldest first in juvenile prison then later in state prison. I could write about his turnaround and his ultimate suicide.
I could choose to write about my second child, the one who was a ‘straight A, honour roll, Who’s Who of American High School Students’. The one who was the in show choir and dance team; a real people pleaser, never-do-wrong quiet rebel, that hid her transgressions from the world.
Or there is child number three. Openly rebellious, arrested at 13 for breaking and entering and vandalism. The one that we uprooted and moved 500 miles away to try and change her environment. The one who became a mother three days after her 17th birthday.
There is a long list of possibilities.
I’ve had many experiences in my 60 years. Mostly good; even those hard times with the rebellious children. I have always taken comfort in the knowledge that I did the best I could. I have never stopped loving them and feel I was there for each and every one of them during those difficult moments in their lives.
That said, the last four months have been very emotional for me.
In September 2017, the love of my life walked out on me without explanation. I did not take it well. My daughters didn’t react well either. After nine weeks he came back. I thought our girls would be happy, but they are not. This, too, will need to be addressed in time.
Right now, I want to start writing. I just don’t know where to start.